Ryan makes an excellent points about the yada, yadas.

maybe you could simplify the plot some and instead of
having them move away, only to be tracked down again,
you could have the climax happen the first time. By
simplifying the plot, you slow the story down enough
to make your characters human.

Now, I disagree with Ryan on the last part. Short
stories can get away - literally - with murder. I vote
for killing em both and the son gets away with the
money.

Will

--- Ryan Schaller <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

> How long is this story?  For me to write something
> with that much action it
> would take 30-40 pages for what you already have.
> Haven't had the class, so
> I don't know what they want.
>
> I'll be brutal by pointing out your "yadda, yadda."
> That doesn't sound good
> to me.  If you're not willing to actually say what's
> happening in the story
> then I feel like you're not proud, or confidant,
> about what you have
> written.  Don't try and respond with an excusal of
> this.  If you do it's
> bull shit.  There's a conscous reason why you used
> "yadda, yadda."  Whether
> you're ready to admit it or not.  What this tells me
> is that your story is
> completely centered around these turns of plot and
> that I can get the same
> enjoyment from reading your synopsis as i can from
> actually reading the
> story.  Make your writing so pleasing that I will
> want to read your story
> for the "yadda, yadda" alone and not even care
> what's going on with the
> plot.
>
> I hope you have also subtley described the son's
> character enough that when
> the reader discovers that the son tried to have his
> father killed, he's
> surprised at first but when he rereads the story
> he/she can see how the
> son's character has been built with this patricital
> urge.
>
> For the ending, I'm assuming you don't plan on
> killing off both mom and dad,
> maybe one or the other, but certainly not both.  You
> probably have some
> cinematic scene where the house breaker comes back
> and almost kills them,
> but is suddenly stopped.  The son repents at the
> sight of his almost dead
> father.  The family dog attacks the villain.
> Something has to happen to
> save them, right?  You couldn't possibly end a
> marketable story with the
> hero and heroine dead.  Draw a card, any card.
>
> Ryan Schaller
> [log in to unmask]
> www.xanga.com/thelonelyartistclub
>
>
>
>
> ----- Original Message -----
> From: "canadianokie" <[log in to unmask]>
> To: <[log in to unmask]>
> Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2006 7:59 PM
> Subject: [PWA-L] Ideas needed
>
>
> > Hi everybody!
> >
> > I'll break the silence on this board.
> >
> > I'm taking the Short Story class and I'm stuck for
> an ending.  Or at
> > least my daughter tells me my ending "sucks" so
> I'm needing some help
> > to revamp.
> >
> > I'm writing a story about a home invasion.  The
> villain comes to the
> > door--he is expected b/c he works with the
> husband.  The son and wife
> > are home, they get tied up, yadda, yadda, dad
> comes home and gets
> > popped on the noggin' and tied up, yadda, yadda.
> The son is tied and
> > left at home to be dealt with later when the
> villain comes back for
> > anything he wants to steal.  Meanwhile the parents
> are carted off to
> > be killed.  They attempt to escape and fail, but
> try again and
> > succeed.  The bad guys go to jail and the family
> moves away.*  They
> > are so traumatized by what has happened that they
> don't want any ID
> > trails, so they don't have a bank account, they
> only use Virgin
> > phones, etc.  The villain gets out of jail and
> finds them.  How?
> > Well, it seems that the son is in cahoots with the
> villain all
> > along.  The Dad made a fortune in business and the
> villain and the
> > son want to kill mom and dad and get their money.
> >
> > How do I end that?  Be brutal about the story
> line, too.
> >
> > OK, fellow writers, let me hear from you!
> >
> > Thanks,
> >
> > Jocelyn
> >
> > *Actually, this actually happened to a friend of
> mine.  Scary, huh?
> >
>



William D. Prescott

University of Oklahoma

office no. 405-325-2710

[log in to unmask]