Alcohol Consumption -- FDA Warnings

Due to increasing products liability litigation, American Beer
Brewers have accepted the FDA's suggestion that the following warning
labels be placed immediately on all beer containers: 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the
hell happened to your bra. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are
whispering when you are not. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like
a retard. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell
your friends over and over again that you love them. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can
sing. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that
ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the
morning. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can
logically converse with members of the opposite sex without
spitting. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you have
mystical Kung Fu powers, resulting in you getting your ass kicked. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
morning and see something really scary. 

WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of
inexplicable rug burns on the forehead/knees. 
 
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you
are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. 
 
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you
are invisible. 
 
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
laughing WITH you. 
 
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause a disturbance in the
time-space continuum, whereby gaps of time may seem to literally
disappear. 
 
WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy.