The author is trying to get the characters from one place to the next, so he/she stuck in some trivial palaver to give the sense of travel. It could have been skipped. Unless, of course, someone saw her getting coffee, but if that were the case it should have been given more emphasis.

What did you see, Kent?

----- Original Message -----

From: [log in to unmask] href="mailto:[log in to unmask]">Kent Graham

To: [log in to unmask] href="mailto:[log in to unmask]">[log in to unmask]

Sent: Thursday, November 07, 2002 1:12 PM

Subject: [PWA-L] Things that go "clunk"

Okay, scribblers! You didn't want to talk about middles so much. How about "clunks"?

I'm curious to know if anyone else hears a "clunk" in the following passage? And, if so, what needs to be done to repair the metaphorical pothole in the prose?

The situation: the narrator has just come from a swim in a cold lake, where he faked his own death. He's now in the car of a reluctant accomplice, who's driving him to Canada. (By the way, the passage also begins a chapter...)

"Wrapped in a blanket, Stone fell asleep almost immediately. Paula put the heat up full blast, and gradually Stone's chills melted away. They took 196 north to Grand Rapids; there they got on 96 and took it across Michigan, skirting Lansing, and into Detroit, where Paula stopped briefly at a Ramada Inn for coffee. It was close to midnight when they arrived at the border crossing at Windsor, Ontario."

Scribite!
kent

p.s.

A writer I know e-mailed me this the other day:

"Actually, I'm wondering what all these lithe young creatures know about 'sagging middles.' I know about sagging middles. There's one that always comes between me and my. . .shoes."

Sad, isn't it?