Dear Colleagues:

            Ever have a day or an issue when you wish you had not gotten out of bed?  Or at least just kept your mouth shut?  I’m having one of those over my announcement of the Monograph.  Let’s see if I can make this better vs. worse.

            For the record:

1. I am THRILLED and HONORED to have been part of the monograph/study/work.
2. I sent the announcement to MAC members BECAUSE I am so thrilled and honored.
3. Because of my intense schedule, lack of access to technology (Until a few months ago I had no email access at the university and I still don’t have access to my listserve address books from here…Dr. Carstarphen only recently was able to give me access to the MAC listserve from the university), lack of time… the Monograph senior scholars went out of their way to include me even though it meant more work for them (calling and snail mailing, vs. email).
4. I did NOT intend to back stab those senior scholars who worked hard to include me or the editors for making the project manifest.
5. I DID just want the MAC folks to know that the title, with the painful, excluding “women and minorities” was not my idea.
6. I DID more than once mention to the senior author(s) that “women and minorities” is NOT a term I think anyone should use because it so very often makes minority women feel neutered, (As Sojourner Truth said, “Ain’t I a Woman?). I can not apologize for that sentiment and it is not mine alone.
7. I do NOT in anyway think the title invalidates the actual study.
8. I COULD have made a bigger, more frequent fuss about/objection to the title had I not been moving so fast and or had I realized that it would hit me so strongly on the front of the Monograph cover in big letters.   
9. I do NOT, did NOT, NEVER want the panel’s main focus to be about the title but I am not doing very well in communicating to colleagues-who-care, but are not women of color, that the “women and minorities” label IS inaccurate and IS insensitive to women of color (a racial minority in many western countries but a majority on the planet).  I am feeling rather beat up myself right now and if the trouble with the title came up at the panel I wanted more than just my opinion and a few book titles to which to refer.  Also, so many MAC women responded regarding the title that I thought it may come up at the panel.
10. It IS important that the study recommendations are included/spotlighted in the panel, not the “trouble with the title.”
11. I’ve never coauthored a monograph before and I was so thrilled to do so and to see it actually happen after almost 2 years.  With the course load, other heavy responsibilities and the EXTRA drama/trauma of working at an HBCU (Check out the AAUP newsletter and other sources…This is NOT me whining about my troubles when we all have our own burden to bear.  I love the access to “my people” but I pay dearly for that “privilege.”), I may never be able to/get the opportunity to coauthor another one.
12. I am soooooo sorry I didn’t just shut up and let MAC folks come to the panel or not, read/see the Monograph or not, question the title or not…but hindsight is always 20/20 right?
13. If you have feelings/opinions about the “women and minorities” label I’d still like to have them along with your race/gender ID for some writing I may do later in life (If I make it to retirement?).  Obviously that work needs to be done but NOT usurping this incredible study on which so many have worked hard and have put in so many more hours than I have.

Okay…is that any better?  Those of you who know me, know my heart and my writing/speaking/scholarship…You know they are all in the right place.  Sorry if I dropped the ball/didn’t do better.  I’m really doin’ the best I can folks.