Okay, just got a chance to read it.  Interesting idea. I like the
parallel between the two Charlies.  I do think that the poor grammar
distracts more than it adds, maybe just because of its inconsistency.  I
think the ending would seem more organic if you focused more on things like
the birds and the generic feeling of helplessness and loss rather than
focusing it all specifically on the missing Charlie.
        Hope that helps.  Like I said, I really like the idea.  Keep at it!

-----Original Message-----
From: Open discussions on the writer's craft [mailto:[log in to unmask]] On
Behalf Of Matt leach
Sent: Thursday, September 29, 2005 11:43 PM
To: [log in to unmask]
Subject: [PWA-L] short story

take a look at this when you get a chance and see what you think.  It's not
too long, so it won't take you long...