Or the son gets double-crossed (meaning killed) by the villain and his mother (or father), with whom the villain is having a secret affair! The evil parent then kills the significant other (if not already killed by the son) and the villain and keeps the the money for him/herself. Either way you have a nice shocking twist at the end of the story. William Prescott wrote: >Ryan makes an excellent points about the yada, yadas. > >maybe you could simplify the plot some and instead of >having them move away, only to be tracked down again, >you could have the climax happen the first time. By >simplifying the plot, you slow the story down enough >to make your characters human. > >Now, I disagree with Ryan on the last part. Short >stories can get away - literally - with murder. I vote >for killing em both and the son gets away with the >money. > >Will > >--- Ryan Schaller <[log in to unmask]> wrote: > > > >>How long is this story? For me to write something >>with that much action it >>would take 30-40 pages for what you already have. >>Haven't had the class, so >>I don't know what they want. >> >>I'll be brutal by pointing out your "yadda, yadda." >>That doesn't sound good >>to me. If you're not willing to actually say what's >>happening in the story >>then I feel like you're not proud, or confidant, >>about what you have >>written. Don't try and respond with an excusal of >>this. If you do it's >>bull shit. There's a conscous reason why you used >>"yadda, yadda." Whether >>you're ready to admit it or not. What this tells me >>is that your story is >>completely centered around these turns of plot and >>that I can get the same >>enjoyment from reading your synopsis as i can from >>actually reading the >>story. Make your writing so pleasing that I will >>want to read your story >>for the "yadda, yadda" alone and not even care >>what's going on with the >>plot. >> >>I hope you have also subtley described the son's >>character enough that when >>the reader discovers that the son tried to have his >>father killed, he's >>surprised at first but when he rereads the story >>he/she can see how the >>son's character has been built with this patricital >>urge. >> >>For the ending, I'm assuming you don't plan on >>killing off both mom and dad, >>maybe one or the other, but certainly not both. You >>probably have some >>cinematic scene where the house breaker comes back >>and almost kills them, >>but is suddenly stopped. The son repents at the >>sight of his almost dead >>father. The family dog attacks the villain. >>Something has to happen to >>save them, right? You couldn't possibly end a >>marketable story with the >>hero and heroine dead. Draw a card, any card. >> >>Ryan Schaller >>[log in to unmask] >>www.xanga.com/thelonelyartistclub >> >> >> >> >>----- Original Message ----- >>From: "canadianokie" <[log in to unmask]> >>To: <[log in to unmask]> >>Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2006 7:59 PM >>Subject: [PWA-L] Ideas needed >> >> >> >> >>>Hi everybody! >>> >>>I'll break the silence on this board. >>> >>>I'm taking the Short Story class and I'm stuck for >>> >>> >>an ending. Or at >> >> >>>least my daughter tells me my ending "sucks" so >>> >>> >>I'm needing some help >> >> >>>to revamp. >>> >>>I'm writing a story about a home invasion. The >>> >>> >>villain comes to the >> >> >>>door--he is expected b/c he works with the >>> >>> >>husband. The son and wife >> >> >>>are home, they get tied up, yadda, yadda, dad >>> >>> >>comes home and gets >> >> >>>popped on the noggin' and tied up, yadda, yadda. >>> >>> >>The son is tied and >> >> >>>left at home to be dealt with later when the >>> >>> >>villain comes back for >> >> >>>anything he wants to steal. Meanwhile the parents >>> >>> >>are carted off to >> >> >>>be killed. They attempt to escape and fail, but >>> >>> >>try again and >> >> >>>succeed. The bad guys go to jail and the family >>> >>> >>moves away.* They >> >> >>>are so traumatized by what has happened that they >>> >>> >>don't want any ID >> >> >>>trails, so they don't have a bank account, they >>> >>> >>only use Virgin >> >> >>>phones, etc. The villain gets out of jail and >>> >>> >>finds them. How? >> >> >>>Well, it seems that the son is in cahoots with the >>> >>> >>villain all >> >> >>>along. The Dad made a fortune in business and the >>> >>> >>villain and the >> >> >>>son want to kill mom and dad and get their money. >>> >>>How do I end that? Be brutal about the story >>> >>> >>line, too. >> >> >>>OK, fellow writers, let me hear from you! >>> >>>Thanks, >>> >>>Jocelyn >>> >>>*Actually, this actually happened to a friend of >>> >>> >>mine. Scary, huh? >> >> > > > >William D. Prescott > >University of Oklahoma > >office no. 405-325-2710 > >[log in to unmask] > > > >