[log in to unmask]" type="cite">

Ryan makes an excellent points about the yada, yadas.

maybe you could simplify the plot some and instead of
having them move away, only to be tracked down again,
you could have the climax happen the first time. By
simplifying the plot, you slow the story down enough
to make your characters human.

Now, I disagree with Ryan on the last part. Short
stories can get away - literally - with murder. I vote
for killing em both and the son gets away with the
money.

Will

--- Ryan Schaller <[log in to unmask]> wrote:

  

How long is this story?  For me to write something
with that much action it
would take 30-40 pages for what you already have.
Haven't had the class, so
I don't know what they want.

I'll be brutal by pointing out your "yadda, yadda."
That doesn't sound good
to me.  If you're not willing to actually say what's
happening in the story
then I feel like you're not proud, or confidant,
about what you have
written.  Don't try and respond with an excusal of
this.  If you do it's
bull shit.  There's a conscous reason why you used
"yadda, yadda."  Whether
you're ready to admit it or not.  What this tells me
is that your story is
completely centered around these turns of plot and
that I can get the same
enjoyment from reading your synopsis as i can from
actually reading the
story.  Make your writing so pleasing that I will
want to read your story
for the "yadda, yadda" alone and not even care
what's going on with the
plot.

I hope you have also subtley described the son's
character enough that when
the reader discovers that the son tried to have his
father killed, he's
surprised at first but when he rereads the story
he/she can see how the
son's character has been built with this patricital
urge.

For the ending, I'm assuming you don't plan on
killing off both mom and dad,
maybe one or the other, but certainly not both.  You
probably have some
cinematic scene where the house breaker comes back
and almost kills them,
but is suddenly stopped.  The son repents at the
sight of his almost dead
father.  The family dog attacks the villain.
Something has to happen to
save them, right?  You couldn't possibly end a
marketable story with the
hero and heroine dead.  Draw a card, any card.

Ryan Schaller
[log in to unmask]
www.xanga.com/thelonelyartistclub




----- Original Message -----
From: "canadianokie" <[log in to unmask]>
To: <[log in to unmask]>
Sent: Tuesday, February 07, 2006 7:59 PM
Subject: [PWA-L] Ideas needed


    

Hi everybody!

I'll break the silence on this board.

I'm taking the Short Story class and I'm stuck for
      

an ending.  Or at
    

least my daughter tells me my ending "sucks" so
      

I'm needing some help
    

to revamp.

I'm writing a story about a home invasion.  The
      

villain comes to the
    

door--he is expected b/c he works with the
      

husband.  The son and wife
    

are home, they get tied up, yadda, yadda, dad
      

comes home and gets
    

popped on the noggin' and tied up, yadda, yadda.
      

The son is tied and
    

left at home to be dealt with later when the
      

villain comes back for
    

anything he wants to steal.  Meanwhile the parents
      

are carted off to
    

be killed.  They attempt to escape and fail, but
      

try again and
    

succeed.  The bad guys go to jail and the family
      

moves away.*  They
    

are so traumatized by what has happened that they
      

don't want any ID
    

trails, so they don't have a bank account, they
      

only use Virgin
    

phones, etc.  The villain gets out of jail and
      

finds them.  How?
    

Well, it seems that the son is in cahoots with the
      

villain all
    

along.  The Dad made a fortune in business and the
      

villain and the
    

son want to kill mom and dad and get their money.

How do I end that?  Be brutal about the story
      

line, too.
    

OK, fellow writers, let me hear from you!

Thanks,

Jocelyn

*Actually, this actually happened to a friend of
      

mine.  Scary, huh?
    

William D. Prescott

University of Oklahoma

office no. 405-325-2710

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